Work in progress: Almost saved

This is the first half of the prologue to the Christian horror novel I am thinking about self publishing. I would appreciate some feedback.


Bryan, 13 years old, staggered down the path that cut through the woods. The rim of the sun sat on the horizon about to rise. Bryan swatted at the air around his head as he tried to stay on his feet. He staggered onward toward the rising soon, but the sound of flapping wings filled the air as small, bat-like creatures descended on him and buzzed around his head. They squealed and nipped him as he swung at them, trying to swat them away.

After several seconds of the vicious attack, Bryan could no longer fight them off, and he fell to the ground. The creatures disappeared into the air as if they were never there. Nothing moved around him. Two streams of blood, trickling from each corner of his mouth, dripped off his chin and splashed into the dust of the path. Then, he groaned in relief, but as if they had merely been teasing him all along, the creatures returned and buzzed around his head and face. Bryan closed his eyes to accept whatever death awaited him.

Slowly, as Bryan lay moaning on the path, the winged creatures crawling all over him, a bright circle of light drifted down from the sky. With no strength to fight, he didn’t move. One of the creatures darted away from him as it noticed the growing light. There was an inhuman squeal as the light grew and expanded until it settled over Bryan.

The creatures shrieked and scattered from the light. Bryan closed his eyes. As he began to lose consciousness, he heard a soft voice, “sleep.” The world went black.



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