I got the “ain’t no one reading my blog” blues.

I love blues music.  I guess blues-rock to be more precise.  It’s simple but at the same time a breathtaking.  I recently picked up a copy of the Rolling Stones Blues album.  As I understand it, they pretty much improvised the recordings right in the studio.  It’s raw, but it’s great. There are other blues guys I like too.  Robin Trower, Foghat, Eric Clapton, Chuck Berry, just to name a few. I really wasn’t around much for the old blues singers. I guess I’m on the second generation. The blues are something everyone gets from time to time.

I’ve been a little blue lately because my writing career seems to be stuck in neutral. I’m working on some stuff, but I’m not having any luck with the stuff I’ve finished. I guess I shouldn’t complain though.  I could be trying to make my living from writing.  If I were doing that, I would hate to see where I would be.  On the streets, I’m sure.

I think the single greatest worry I have is my age.  I’m beyond the age when writers get their breaks, and I’m afraid I’ll be standing on the shore waiting for my boat to come in until I die when all that time I could have been doing something else.

Honestly though, when I’m not in a down phase — and mine are phases, meaning they last more than a day or an hour — I don’t feel like writing, and when I’m in a manic phase — which are generally shorter than my down phases but still more than a day or two — I can’t concentrate enough to write well.  I don’t have many windows in there where I really feel what I’m doing.  I think that’s common for many people with depression or other mental illnesses.

I take my medications, and they stabilize me enough to have some semblance of a normal life.  I did teach for over 30 years after all, but I sometimes believe they dull my edge just a little bit, take away a bit of creativity, and I’ve never been able to adjust. Perhaps I’m just making excuses for a lack of talent.

I have two projects that I am working on at the moment and two that I’ve finished.  The two I’ve finished are floating around in a couple places in cyber land, but they have yet to land anywhere.  My attempts at independent publishing have pretty much failed, so I don’t know really where I want to go from here.

I’ve read a couple really good books lately that made me remember how much I love fantasy and horror.  One was The Name of the Wind; it is the first in a trilogy that traces the life story of a great hero and magician. The writing is vivid and interesting despite its nearly 700 pages.  I’ve picked up book two and that will be my next reading project.

Another book that I read, which was incredibly, wonderfully weird, was Neverwhere, authored by Neil Gaiman who wrote the Sandman graphic novel. When I taught at North County, we read a passage from it in a lit class and on that day, I thought I’d pick up a copy of it one day and read it.  Now, about two years later, I have finally done it. It’s got a strange blend of horror and comedy in it. I love the offbeat stuff, and this certainly is offbeat.

I think after I finish these two current projects I’m going to think about writing a play. I don’t know what it would be about, but I do like writing them.  I love drama, and I have done a little bit of everything with it in schools. I directed plays, I worked light and sound, I acted in them, and I’ve also written and published some.

The Cardinals baseball team started off the season poorly, but lately they have turned it around. They started off 3-9, but now I think they’re 9-11. The St. Louis Blues have advanced to round 2 of the hockey playoffs so maybe things are turning around a little bit for St. Louis and Missouri Sports.  When the Rams left St. Louis, the state lost a black mark on its sports successes. In other words, good bye and good riddance.

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2 Comments

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  1. I’m sorry to hear about your slump with writing! I often get like that. I’m glad you continue taking your medicine, even though you think it dulls your creativity. I stopped taking mine because it makes me feel like a zombie. I had one of your classes my senior year, and in my entire high school career, you were one of the few teachers I did like. You have a rockin’ music taste, you don’t brush off depression as just something kids “go through” (this was very important to me, as i suffer from clinical depression, an eating disorder and a personality disorder) because they’re still growing & hormonal and you helped me understand what poems meant by breaking it down line-by-line. I really admired when you came out with your book, because it’s something I want to do myself. I don’t think you’re getting too old at all, I think you should continue to stick to it, no matter how down you get about it. Your breakthrough will come, I’m sure of it. I hope you have a wonderful evening, sir.

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